Contributed by Renee Boyer

From the contributor: “I work at an adventure and education camp in England. Between the guests and instructors there is plenty of fodder for your site!”

Her roommate:

Please stop jumping, my stomach is full of penguins!

A guest, while unpacking:

Excuse me, I have a problem. Our room only has a bath, but I brought shower gel with me.

A guest, on seeing the contributor’s knee brace:

Did you sprain your ankle?

A mountain biking instructor:

You need to pedal with your balls!

Her roommate, on her long distance relationship:

He’s looking at me through rose-tinted glasses, but I’m looking at him with f***-off lenses.