We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

Contributed by Dale Buckley

From the booklet for English CD “Yeah!!!!!!!!!!” by Japanese band Southern All Stars:

A planet called the earth which I’ve ever visited had a spectacular season, the summer. In the summer there, numbers of flowers have bloomed all over, numbers of adventures have rolled out, and numbers of sweet music have performed. I do believe the season will never ends to the future. Glitters of a ripple in the sun, sounds of wind, girls’ whispers, mysteries of the ever lasting sea, smells of love and the blue blue endless sky. “ALL I NEED IS SUMMER”

Amazon.com’s listing for this CD includes the following user review:

Then, buy all stuffs by Southern All Stars.

They are perfect for love song.

If you live in NY, then you had better other CD; Vicious Night in th eNew York City.

I can say they are Japanes Beattles.

Contributed by Millie

Said by a Chinese-American insurance agent:

“When the client already die, it is impotent to get a colonel’s report to find out what is the cause of dhat.”

Contributed by Alex

The contributor and his girlfriend were staying in a cheap hotel in Barcelona. On the back of the door in their room was a sign with fire regulations listed in several languages. Halfway down the sign, the English version read:

“The management does not hold its elf responsible for items left in rooms.”

Under which a previous visitor had scribbled:

“What about its gnome?”

Contributed by Eric Russell

The following essay was written by an English teacher from Brazil. He asked the contributor to read it and let him know if it sounded like “intelligent English.” The contributor, being a liar, said yes:

Summary (Tools of the Trade)

From this reading I could see that, because languages can be both written and spoken, all the tools listed in this article, such as books, tapes and computer programs, must contain at least, one of this forms of presentation for each language that intents to teach.

A pen, a typewriter, and a computer are the same in essence and in terms of concept for tools, and like a picture, a photograph or a movie, where the only difference is definition, also, words written in the sand of a beach, a book and a CD are about the same, for all these tools have the same function in the Teaching process, furthermore, they differ only in the dynamics and definition of image.

As teachers or learners we should have some idea about how functional these tools are, how well they work as helpers in the process of acquiring a new language. Just so, it becomes an important instrument of self criticism.

The more we know about Teaching methods and principles, the more we notice that; not every content corresponds its label, and the best criteria to avoid mistakes is to search for sources and to check the effectiveness of each tool that is used in a particular time.

Opinion
The use of a number of materials like textbooks, computer programs and videos enlarge the possibilities of extending its range far and wide. All these tools are based in the same principles to help a student to acquire a new language. The sophistication of these tools, do not free them from the limits imposed by these very principles, in the same way, that a robot can imitates and speed up human voices and actions but can never overcome it by interacting episode and meaning.

Contributed by Joy Kelley

The wrapper on a Japanese-made pumice stone purchased in the U.S. reads:

“Make skin silky-smooth and also inhibits vicious microbe.”

Contributed by William Rose

From a chopstick package found in a Chinese Restaurant in Kenosha, Wisconsin:

“Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
Please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultual.”

Contributed by Maria

(From the contributor: “While in an Asian-owned dollar store in Spain, I found a pencil bag featuring what I thought were Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. Upon closer inspection, I read the following. Who Red Bud is, I can’t be sure, but I had a good laugh.”)

OKAY RED BUD:

You and I have to love Red Bud hand,s bag

Contributed by Frank Whiteside

The contributor saw these while on vacation in Japan a couple years ago:

Sign in a hotel bathroom:

“Please close a door or take bath. It’s time to close a door or we will ring sound fire alarm.”

On a disposable toothbrush:

“Good material for your fitness life.”

On a door in a train station:

“Excellent Room.”

On a building next to a hotel in Kyoto:

“Luminous Nose.”

Contributed by Adrienne

(From the contributor: “I teach third grade ESL (English as a Second Language) and my class is an inexhaustible source of unusual quotes, strange statements and all the rest. Here are a few:”)

For an activity where the students were supposed to practice writing sentences using the past tense of “to be,” one of my third-graders wrote about a red pony:

“The red pony was on fire. The fire trucks were coming.”

During sharing time one of my students wanted to discuss the fighting techniques he used in his favorite Playstation game (Mortal Kombat, I think):

“…And this one guy, he was shooting his asses out of his mouth. He was shooting his asses at the other guy and it was burning him.”

I eventually determined that “asses” referred to acids that I assume the players shoot at each other.

Contributed by Carl-Uno Manros

From a Misaki brand bathroom scale, accompanied by a cartoon picture of a dinosaur; the scale is apparently intended for kids:

“Morning Shower
I like morning shower
Clean my dusty body, and dirty mind.”