Email, Blogs, and Other Correspondence


Contributed by Olivia Meikle

The following is a collection of tidbits from emails sent to the contributor as part of a dispute over a laptop sold on eBay:

I will let you suspend with your credit. Because you sell the bad laptop to us. If no response in 3 days, I will let my uncle to help me to solve the problem. I tall you , I don’t care about how much money you ship it out. And at that time, I don’t think I will only got $120 refund for the adapter. I really don’t want to see you, as you know that I am a chinese, that I know lots way to protect myself.

Just ship it asap as my previous mail. Or you will know what will happened.

hope you remove the negative feedback for your and mine. And end until here, if you still want to play with me, I am glad to do that.

Contributed by Jeff J. Snider

This was a comment posted here on this site in response to this post. It was too precious for me to just let it sit unnoticed in the comments. Note that the author, someone named Britt, uses 246 words (actually 250, but four of them should have only been one word) and misspells 34 of them, by my count. That’s a 13.8% failure rate! Enjoy:

Listen Loser You dont know any thing about Cows if you think there nothing but cute and gentle. People like you should be shot Ive raised cows all my life and they are far from gentle so why dont you educate your self befor you speek cows are wild animals that will ram you in a heart beat if they dont like you. Saying killing cows is wrong because there cute and they wouldnt hurt you is like saying people dont hurt other people cuz thell go to hell. Its just not true! And I was just wondering if you drove a cor or rode a bike or mabe even took a bath Because were do you think soap and pavemet and that rubber in your tires come from YES do the research we sneak a lot of weard stuff in there. I hate vegans and vegitarians and all that stuff they think were wrong for eating meat when yall should be consentrating on the developers who are taking away all of the natural resourses animals need to survive and dont think if you just eat vegitation and stuff uour not still hurting them By doing that your still eating what the need to survive so and guess who shits on your vegies so you can eat it with out the use of animals you would be NACKED AND HUNGRY and dont hate on those who eat meat cuz your killing them too just slower and that makes you in-humane

Contributed by Noelle

The contributor has an ad on several websites, looking for a roommate to move in when her current roommate moves out soon. She received the following email from someone who probably won’t get the spot:

From: XXXXXXXXXXX
Date: Jul 28, 2006 8:16 AM
Subject: The report mail it sends from the www.share-accommodation.net .
To: xxxxxx@gmail.com

How are you. I am 26 murderous intent males who live in Korea. It is a plan which will enter into the household head at September 5th. It searches the place where it will stay. Moving in wants knowing the possible cold region in September. I visit initially in the household head. English it cannot do well, but a lot, it appears not to becoming the problem. If possibility be and give the liaison with the mail. Korea hands down elegy today. Is the piece weather how? Good one day~

Contributed by Randy Tayler

The contributor sent an email to a company complaining about a popup when using their software. After a couple emails back and forth, he received this resolution:

From: [EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED]
To: Randy Tayler
Subject: RE: After meeting pop-up window [T20060619010H]

Hi Randy,

Thank you for using GoToMeeting.

I have disabled the exit Pop Up, I apologize for the incontinence this has caused!

Thank you.

Warm Regards,

[NAME REMOVED]
Customer Care Agent
Citrix Online Division
Citrix Systems, Inc.

Contributed by Jeff J. Snider

WARNING: This post contains some non-graphic and non-explicit references to sex. You have been warned.

One of the great things about running a site like this is reading the comments from readers. A fellow by the name of David MacDonald posted a couple comments that I did not approve, partly because of their content, but mostly because I wanted to highlight them as separate entries. Here is a portion of one of the comments, with my favorite parts in bold:

if you are looking for a nice guy to have passionate sex with in bed iam free to help you out.email me to [ADDRESS REMOVED] and let me no if you are interested in having sex with me in the nude in the shower and also in bed.yours sincerly david.

The next comment got more explicit and lost some of David’s “nice guy” image, but rest assured that it also specified “in bed.” It’s nice to see a guy who knows exactly what he wants.

Contributed by Audrey

The contributor found the following note on the floor in the Jesse Knight Humanities Building at Brigham Young University. This is Audrey’s transcription, with spelling, capitalization, and everything else intact. Items in [brackets] are descriptions of drawings, etc. “GPG” stands for Green Pen Girl, and “BPG” stands for Blue Pen Girl.

GPG: can I be distRacting?

BPG: please do… what does this have to do w/ math anyway?

GPG: exactly – like how the only pen I could find is gReen & has no cap?

BPG: beautiful. actually I like the blue & green together. ¬°que lindo! (how
cute!)

GPG: he he he – RemembeR how yesteRday we woRe the same undeRweaR

BPG: oh how could I forget!

GPG: soooo sensitive

BPG: so I had a good talk with Cody last night & I forgot to tell you that I
overheard Hayley saying how much she liked him. TOTaLLy contradicted what
she said to me! ha ha she gets mad @ me for lying to her (when I didn’t) and
then she turns around and blatently lies to me… funny huh?

GPG: people like her make the woRld go Round – well soRta – have you
mentioned next yeaRs living situation? How is Jess? maRRied yet? Liz? I
live dRama lives vicaRiously thRough otheRs

BPG: Jess – talking to the bish tonight Liz – I think she’s going to dRop
make-out tongue Ring boy b/c he won’t go on his mission & I think Hayley
thinks we’re living together next yeaR… boy is she in for a surprise! haha

GPG: Don’t say anything – sign a contRact, move out in the middle of the
night & change youR name

BPG: oh, ok If I get this job – I’m getting a computeR & a cell for sure
[PICTURE OF A SMILEY FACE HERE] & then maybe a caR

GPG: can you heaR me now?

BPG: could your dad hook me up w/a deal? probably not huh?

GPG: I dunno what his poweRs are – he’s a gReat salesman though

BPG: yeah, when I do go to look – I still need cheap cheap cheap

GPG: don’t get cricket

BPG: my only feaR with getting a cell, is that people I don’t like will be
calling me – as of right now people can’t get ahold of me when I’m not home
and I’m not home much. There might have to be a rule that only special
people get my number (like you).

GPG: well obviously I get the coveted #1 speed dial slot – & obviously youR
numbeR doesn’t need to be published on the cover of the daily universe

BPG: [ARROW POINTING TO THE WORDS "DAILY UNIVERSE"] yeah let’s hope not – I
think I’ll keep telling boys that I don’t have a phone b/c then I don’t take
the chance of them stalking me

GPG: I love how you have to woRRy about stalkers and I just woRRy about my
minutes – soooo hot, want to touch the heiny. Do you happen to have the
edited Gladiator oR saving PRivate Ryan. When do you have to leave to
volunteer

BPG: [ARROW POINTING TO "GLADIATOR"] so good! yes!! why? I just have to be
there for an houR… & I have to be to woRk by 3:30 so the sooner I can go,
the betteR I guess. I have to Run a couple errends @ the Wilk (letteR to
Jimbo) & check the bus schedule

GPG: I just need to eat my tuRkey sandwich [SMILEY FACE]

BPG: & I have a PB&J one [SMILEY FACE]

GPG: yippee foR food! HeRes to being fat & happy!

BPG: amen to that! [HERE SHE DREW A PAIR OF GIRLS SIDE BY SIDE, WITH STICK
ARMS AND LEGS, SMILEY FACES, AND A BIG BALL FOR THE BODY, COMPLETE WITH
LITTLE BREASTS DRAWN IN] notice those smilies!

GPG: [HAS NOW DRAWN UNDERPANTS ON THE STICK PEOPLE] nice bum, where you
from? umm – does getting fat = bigger boobs?

BPG: umm yeah! duR that’s why I’m looking forward to getting pregnant…
good ole milk he he we’re the same! umm aRe those still going to fit?

GPG: well buy bigger ones this class is going soooooooo slow

BPG: I know! ah! I love walking down the halls of this building & hearing
everyone speaking Spanish

GPG: then I open my mouth & you must buRst into teaRs with pain [HERE SHE
HAS DRAWN A STICK GIRL IN A FIRE, HOLDING A MATH 110 BOOK. THE PICTURE IS
CAPTIONED "una chica bonita llama Christy" AND UNDERNEATH IT SAYS "CHRISTY'S
HELL." OFF TO THE SIDE THERE IS AN ARROW AND THE WORD "flames," UNDER WHICH
BPG HAS THEN WRITTEN "fuego."]

GPG: un oh – I just spled odium

BPG: me too!

GPG: Funny how these hateful feelings well up inside of me

BPG: I know! she’s not even cute!

Contributed by Libby Stromberg

From a profile on MySpace:

i’m really talkative… but when i have to talk in english… i just stay really really quiet. f***ing s***! well… i love to drink, cigarretes are my friends (nicotine, tar and carbon monoxide, i love’em!!) i love music, i couldnt live without music. i havent any light in my bedroom, and for that, my bedroom is a f***ing mess!!! i cant find anything there… where the f*** is my shoe??! i’ve been looking for it for 3 days! my cat hates me. and she have all the reasons to do it…jeje coz i bite her, sometimes i beat her, i tryed to give her a bath, but she dont like it…f***ing dirty cat!! i have a lot of scratches in my hands…my hair looks like a wig. coz is really really curly. i mean, REALLY curly! (…f***ing wig…) hmm.. i think it’s all for now. i want to go to drink some coffee…(do you know Tweek? sometimes i become in Tweek when i drink caffeine… that’s f***ing awesome and funny) aaaanyway….bye.

Contributed by Al

From the contributor: There is a message board that I visit, and during Christmas, some people decided to send each other presents. A girl started a thread about how some people did not receive their presents from their Secret Santa (referred to as “ss”), and another girl responded with the following:

i wasnt your ss but me and sharon couldnt remember who mine was as it had got deleted off my computer she then explained u didnt receive a gift and i said i would send u a gift im sorry your upset and like i said before your gift is on its way i bought 2 mod ss gifts then the board ss and i received one mod gift back but u dont here me all upset i guess it just happens but again your gift is on your way

Contributed by Anonymous

From a sports chatroom on December 10, 2004:

Weightlifting regimes are In my not so humble opinion worthless Think about it like this. How many football plays could use only their arms to climb up a giant oak tree 20 meters high? You may laugh, but I know a 65 year old Swedish guy who can climb a tree just like an oranutang, and he would rip most of us in half.

Contributed by Anonymous

The contributor has a manly-sounding email address (it is based on a couple men’s names), but she is in fact a female. Still, she received the following email from a Russian girl who was hoping to find an American man:

Hello have a good day,
I am not sure where to begin,it is first time I try to use internet to meet the man but the thing is,that I will work abroad I can choice USA,Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and kind man.you should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman.they tell I look well enough,I am blonde with blue eyes,I am natural blonde.I will send a few photos if you reply. if you don’t have wife nor girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet? I am free I have not children .and I have not boyfriend here. I am 25 years old ,please write to me directly to my mail. See you soon ,with great hope.

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