We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

Contributed by Colin Ryono

Email received by the contributor, apparently in response to something he wrote on his website. No one is sure exactly WHAT it is a response to:

“my question is from a novel doomsday book by connie willis the phrase goes ” May I remind you Mr Dunworthy he said coldly that this is brasenose’s drop (Time Travel) not balliols of course I apprectiate you lending us your tech and I respect your many years of experience as an historian but I assure you we have everything at hand. the guy who is being spoken to is butting into the others business I am wondering if the guy says I appreciate and I respect not because he really means it but because it’s a way of making the other guy not feel as angry and hopefully will leave him alone thank you for your help”

Contributed by Leisa McCord

Sign in Houston, TX. The sign was later corrected, then it disappeared.

Contributed by Steven P. Sanders

Written by the contributor’s brother who, the contributor assures us, “is not retarded.” The school assignment was to write a letter to President Andrew Johnson advising him on how to handle the reconstruction of the South after the Civil War:

Dear Mr. Johnson,
Some good things happened during the reconstruction of the south like changing
The southern government. I also remember the time that you helped change the laws like the thirteenth amendment, fourteenth amendment, and the fifteenth amendment. Now African American’s have more control in government.
However, there were an equal number of bad decisions such as letting the K.K.K, made of plantation owners and confederate solders, kill and letting them put burning crosses in there yards. Don’t you forget the some plantation owners rent their land to slaves, and letting the owners rent out equipment for only the profit of the plantation owners. The freeman only worked for food.
If I were leading the United States of America I would try to take the K.K.K.
Out of the picture. I would send solders to find the K.K.K. members and arrest them. If they refused I would shoot them in the legs. I would also give the slaves a little money to start off on.
Thank you,
Brad Sanders

Contributed by Julie Gross

Seen outside an A&W drive-through in Illinois:

Contributed by Steven P. Sanders

Written by the contributor’s brother who, the contributor assures us, “is not retarded”:

I wrote this last poem, and it is entitled “Blame.” I made this poem that says you have to be angry to play the blame game.

“Blame,”
By Brad Sanders

You blame someone because you broke your leg
Or sprained your ankle,
Maybe be even because you are in a lot of pain,

But, who is really to blame,
The person who tackled, or spouseilly hurt you,
Or are you the one to be blamed,
Could it be your bad temper?
Think of the entire story,
Then you decide

Contributed by Catherine Schobert

The back panel on a dollar-store washing bag:

*Usage Direction:
Choose suitable bag before washing. When filling clothes,make it less than
2/3 of the bag’s subage. Put it into washing machine after drawing zipper.

*Characteristics:
Protect clothes, reduce rolling and distortion in washing maching and
make clothes in previous state.
Mesh disperse running water.Bag surface cooperate with washing machine
and makes washing easier and quiklier.
Protect crock of washing machine and lengthen the usage of washing
machine.
Made of quilified material and being durable, it is the perfect washing
article of modern family.

Contributed by Eric Eberhardt

Underneath the Argyle El stop on Chicago. (According to the contributor, the statement is false.)

Contributed by bluejo@vif.com

Overheard in a London cafe. Two well-dressed females were talking quietly when suddenly one of them exclaimed quite loudly:

“But I can’t be! I haven’t slept with anyone for weeks, and then it was only Simon!”

Contributed by Katie Keyser

Random things said by the professor during a lecture in a Theater History class at Florida School of the Arts:

“Let’s just put his name on the board for fun.”

“Help me Mr. Wizard!”

“You can snooze or doodle with me, but when you hear it from him, it works.”

“Somebody died just the same, dontcha know?”

“You need to be more…yeah, you know.”

“He’s over there doing plays about swans and blind people.”

“Oh, my doors are gone!”

“The scene where they’re drinking water. Yeah, the drinkng scene.”

Contributed by Cera Hoffman

Things said in an acting class at Florida School of the Arts:

“Props don’t ride bikes.”

“You go to Disney and see some guy wearing Baloo pants putting on his Baloo pants.”

“If you go up to Jack Nickleson and say ‘you can’t act’ you just punched a big freaking oak tree.”

“Haw haw haw, azondahi azondahi!!”

“Hey man that dude just chilled me out.”

“Welcome to adulthood.”