We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

Contributed by Anonymous

(Submitted by the girl herself. Names have been changed.)

the truth of the matter is that the flirting done was innocent flirting liken unto what dan and josh would do, no more. i said every other word out of my mouth was, i dont want to get into anything seriouse right now in my life. so i dont understand how that could be so bad. listen all your words are fair except for two things 1. i absolutly am capible of loving like you wish to be loved, commiting to that relationship, i just believe in all honesty that if i where to now i would be destroying any possibility for the future that’s the honest truth. its to deep now with dan, josh, family, me. its to much stress to take on what we would be right now, and both you and i know it. 2. to say that i dont care for you and that your just a good flirt to me is absolutly in everyway wrong without exception. The way i can back that up is, if i did not care about you, i would have got with you in a second and screwed everything up, it would have. and you can see that i must care because even in my time of pure hornyness i stop this. so that maybe some day we could be one, that a pure reason with good intent and its the truth. i love you leah i always have and you can run or you can look deeper finding yourself me and us its your choice.
chris

Contributed by Michelle Stacey

1st of all his name is Jesse. And i totally know what you mean about him to shush if his voice hurts so bad. Duh! I hate this class. I love the class but not chemistry. I don’t mean to bore you with icky details but did you see what justin was just doing? Ug! He was blowing as hard as he could through his blasted sucker stick. Straight at me. SICK!!! Hi, i don’t want my hair to smell like him, let alone his mouth. What am i going to do?!?!? I hope there are good people in my next class. Or i will die?
elyse.
p.s. What are you having for lunch?

I don’t mind boring your boring details. You know, my love life has been actually quite interesting lately. Not nearly as much as I would like, but definently better. It’s so nice when a guy calls you sexy, and I know of 2 or 3 guys that like me currently. Even though I don’t like them very much, it’s still a major booster. I need a fling. I want to go to a party, totally flirt & be all over some guy, and then go on w/ life.
Kendra Sue!

Kendra
You are so adorable. I totally know. who cares if i have a boyfriend it is so much more thrilling and self-esteem boosting to know that one or more guys are crushing you. it doesn’t matter if they are a creep. it just makes you feel good and like your all “I’m such a babe” i love walking down the hall or into a class and you know someone is watching. it feels fabulous. So let’s have a party so you can have a fantastic fling for a week and get your first kiss.

[Following are a series of stick figure drawings of Kendra Sue being surrounded by "all incredibly hot guys."]

Kendra Sue + all incredibly hot guys = Kend Sue live happily ever after. W/B

Contributed by William O. Jaynes, Jr.

Overheard in a parking lot, spoken by one vagrant to another:

“No, no! YOU are not the Supreme Metaphysical Practioner! I am the Supreme Metaphysical Practioner!”

Contributed by BenO

Overheard in a supermarket, spoken by a 10-year-old girl to her mother:

“Why does she get to be on a magazine cover and I don’t? I’ve got meningitis, too!”

Contributed by Steven Dennett

Overheard in a restaurant, spoken by an apparent war veteran:

“It was like the Adirondack Mountains, except it was flat.”

Contributed by David

Spoken by the contributor’s girlfriend once when he called her at work:

“Dammit, if it is not you calling me when the phone rings, it is somebody else!”

Contributed by Chris Blackmore

From the instructions for a Chinese-made alarm clock purchased in Hong Kong:

“Due to the perfection of the alarming mechanism, you are never awake when you are asleep.”

Contributed by David Wight

The contributor’s 13-year-old sister wrote the following on a grocery list for their mother:

“Those things that you put in the water and they make it soup and the flavor is chicken.”

••••••••

A few weeks later, she called her brother downstairs because the following people were on TV, as she phrased it:

“The guy and the girl that did the news thing a long time ago, and the other guy.”

Contributed by Daniel Heath

Overheard in a restaurant in Berkeley, Calif.:

“So there was this guy, and he’s got this big lizard, and he puts it on his head, and he tells me that if I want, I can put the lizard on my head, and he’ll take a picture of me. But I’d just arrived, I’d just taken the plane and the water taxi, and I don’t want to be hustled. So I said, ‘No.’ I think the guy was kinda disappointed.”

Contributed by Secily Saunders

From a Daily Universe article (at BYU), 11/1/00, “Amid Studying, Students Find Love.” The speaker is referring to an incident in the BYU Testing Center:

“‘I raised my hand while she was proctoring and asked how to use the bathroom so that I could talk to her,’ Jason said. ‘I went home and told my roommates about the Testing Center girl, determined that I would get to know her.’”